How to take over the world
by Queen of the Leos
Summary: The cast of Avatar reveals their opinions on how to take over the world. Maybe a one shot, depending on my mood and reviews. Rated for language now and later on. Maybe for some adult content as they put it. But it will be later, if ever.
1. Fire Lord Ozai, truely the Master

_A/N: Hello! I am Queen of the Leos. Well, I don't have much to say so this will be quick. I may make this a one shot depending on how I feel and the reviews I get._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender, yet. Muwahahahahahaha! Join the Zuko fan mob today so we can own it soon!_

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How to take over the world-Avatar Style

Today's merciless tyrant is Fire lord Ozai. He likes to torture little kids, particularly his son Zuko, perfect his already masterful fire bending skills, plot the downfall of the world as we know it, and, secretly, baking cookies and cupcakes in his spare time. So without further ado, here is Fire lord Ozai's guide to destroying the know world in less than 10 easy steps. Well, maybe, 10 steps that aren't so easy, but still fun.

**Learn to kick ass. **Weather it is bending, or just plain martial arts, becoming all-powerful is crucial.You must become stronger than others to be able to conquer them. If they do not fear your presence, they will not bow down to you, which is key to ruling the world. It also makes you feel all fuzzy inside.

**Lose all emotion, especially mercy. **Mercy shows weakness, as well as all other emotions that get in the way of controlling the universe. Lose all emotion, except anger. Anger will strike fear into your opponent's hearts, while creating the illusion that you are unconquerable. Anger also is a great cover up for you little flaws and any of the weaker emotions you may still posses. It is also funny to see those weaklings to cower before you.

**Create a huge, powerful, and ruthless army. **Everyone knows that one cannot do everything by themselves. A large army will give you even more power and do most of the dirty work for you. Like taking over little villages. But leave the bigger cities for your special, private armies led by you. That way you can hog all the glory for yourself. Or you can have one special person do the big fighting for you and make them a good _friend _so the other commanders won't be jealousAnd if they do get jealous, chop off their heads.

**Take over the smaller, weaker nations.** While taking over them, you possess their resources and armies, making your personal armies more powerful. It will also tell the more threatening nations that you mean business and that they are next, so be ready. Telling the larger nations will give them time to get prepared, which will prove their fight more interesting. This will also make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

**Produce an heir even if you totally stab them in the back later.** Give your nation a suitable heir. Which means no girls or ungifted boys. They should be a spitting image of you and have your excellent strategic talents. Do not create an heir sooner or later because if it sooner, your son may pose a threat. Later and he will grow up without a suitable father, only an old fart. But do what you wish with him until he is ready, which includes making him a cold hearted prince by your evil, mercilessness.

**Slowly choke off the larger nations supplies and resources. **Give them a reason to beg for mercy and then dispose of them when they are finished entertaining you. Starvation will do things to a person. Take over their towns with value, including towns with: fuel, good soil for farming, war posts, and water deltas (deltas are the spot where a bunch of little rivers meet together to make a big river), thus giving you those resources and depriving them of it.

**Take over the large nations capital.** Once you have weakened their spirits and bodies, strike. They will still put up a fight, but they will stand no chance against your loyal minions. When they have been conquered, go to my favorite step of all.

**Declare yourself supreme ruler of the world!** After you have squashed all hopes of rebellion, sit on your evil, selfish butt all day and order everyone around like the tyrant you are. Also, you might want to order your son back to teach him the ways of cruelty and ruling.

So, that's it! My way to take over the world. There are some more steps, but I don't want to tell you, incase you could oppose me. Have fun trying to overthrow me, I will enjoy sending you to prison!

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_A/N: Whew! That took an hour of non-stop typing! Well, tell me if you like, please. Tell me if you want to see more peoples ways to take over the world. Also, if you want to see a Teen Titans way to take over the world, courtesy of Slade, find Kristen the Homicidal Maniac and click on her profile. It's coming soon! I think! O.A.O. (over and out) _


	2. Aang the insane one

_AN: I dedicate this chapter to Mirage10050, because after the crappy turn out, I wasn't going to keep going but she made me feel really guilty. Thanks. Thanks a lot._

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to avatar, except this idea. But join the Zuko fan mob today so we can own it tomorrow! E-mail me if you are interested! _

How to take over the world-Avatar Style

Interviewer: Today we have a very special, and famous, guest. Aang of the Southern Air temple, also, more commonly known as the Avatar. He has been trapped away in an iceberg for the last 100 years and has suddenly decided to reappear and save our sorry asses. He is currently single (whoot!) and enjoys flying around on a giant fluffy monster while trying to elude the freaking hott prince of the fire nation. He also loves to mess around when he should be doing more serious things, like saving our lazy-bum asses from the evil Fire Lord Ozai. This should be interesting, since he is trying to save the world from some one who is actually taking over the world.

_(AN: Unless you haven't noticed, they are sort of being interviewed by someone Her name is Beverly or Bev. Imagine the interviewer as one of those blonde blow up dolls on the news. God, I hate them.)_

Aang: Well, I don't want to take over the world, but if I did, I would make everyone love me. Well, more than they do know. I would make everyone fall in love with my giant gray eyes, my little kid buff body, and my fun loving attitude. The more people love you, the more they will do for you, which includes making you supreme ruler of the world. They will always adore you and shower you with presents. I love presents. I think I would like a giant coy to ride and a unagi to have as an executor.

Interviewer: An executor?

Aang: Yeah, for the people who give me stupid presents, like King Boomie's pet Flopsie.

_(AN: Personally, I love the man-eating thing. I want one!)_

Interviewer: But isn't that kinda, well, evil?

Aang: Hey, you didn't say anything to Fire Lord Ozai when he was saying evil things!

Inerviewer: Well, duh, he would have had me executed!

Aang: Oh! Yeah. Anyways, when people love you, they will do anything to make you happy. It is the way that brain washing works. I will entertain them for a while. Then I would stop doing tricks and they would beg me to do more. Once they are under my spell, I would have them do tasks for me in exchange for something they want.

Interviewer: Now, how are they?

Aang: Well little girls, of course!

Interviewer: Little girls?

Aang: Yup, they are the easiest to brain wash and they are more willing to do things than the adults, who unfortunately have some sort of barricade to brainwashing. Then eventually, I might move on to hormone possessed teenage girls. They would do everything for me! I would especially work my charm on girls from powerful families. Like fire lord Ozai, doesn't he have a daughter?

Interviewer: Sssshhhhh! No one is supposed to know that until next season! Damn it!

Aang: Oh, whoops. Forget I said that guys! I am crazy. WHOOO!

Interviewer: Yes. Yes you are!

Aang: I know, but that is basically it. Brainwash powerful little girls and have them do everything for me, including making me the ruler of the entire universe. Maybe I should do that after Fire Lord Ozai is gone. I'm gonna go practice on Katara!

Katara: What are you gonna practice on me?

Interviewer: Well, that was the Avatars, um…………creative way to take over the world. Next up we will have Katara from the South Pole here. I have to go home and make sure my little girl is safe. Hold on Cindy! I'm coming! I won't let him turn you into a brain washed puppet!

_AN: Yes, Aang is way Ooc, but I don't care. I kinda see him as a crazy little kid who can get a very swelled head. Especially when it comes to girls. But what guy doesn't? LOL. I am going to start on Katara later, maybe. Then it will be Sokka or Zuko. Thank you to all my reviewers, all three of you. sniffles I'm fine. Naah, I'll just give it time. I'll get more eventually, I hope._


	3. Katara, dear lord above, help us

_Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. But could you make an acceptation this once? It's my birthday, please…………….. FINE! I HATE YOU TOO!_

_AN: I dedicate to all the people who gave me presents on my birthday, which is today. I love you all! Also to Mirage, who is my newest friend. Luv ya!_

_Okay since I am tired of having to go Bev: blah blah bIah it now goes now Underlinedbev_

_**Boldguest**_

_Got it? Good._

How to take over the world-Katara Style

Hello welcome to another interview with the cast of Avatar. Hopefully this guest will not be as crazy (or revealing) as the last one. She is the daughter of the leader of the South Pole water tribe. She is a bit shy and naive, but is ready to defend women's rights at the blink of an eye. She loves to travel with the Avatar and torture Prince Zuko by gracing him with her presence. Please welcome Katara of the water tribe.

**Thank you Bev, yeah, torturing Zuko is pretty fun. He can't resist me.**

Ohhh, thanks for that info, but we are trying to focus on how to take over the world.

**Right. Ummm, I rehearsed this, oh yeah! I would make friends. Lots of friends.**

Friends? Don't you already have a lot of friends?

**Yeah I do, but I would make more. Like, be a friend to really powerful people. Like, the rulers of cities, lords, leaders and such. Making friends with theses people, I can persuade them to make alliances with each other, so all the world will be at peace.**

:mumbles: Good luck at that, stupid girl.

**What was that?**

Oh, nothing. Keep going on with your brilliant plan. :rolls eyes:

**Once the whole world is at peace, I will convince them to become ruled under one person. That one person would be me! I would be a very good ruler, I like to help people and I give people hope. I think ruling the world would be a very good thing for me to do.**

That plan sounds a bit simple, don't you think?

**: starts foaming at the mouth: YOU THINK MAKING FRIENDS IS SIMPLE! DO YOU! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE A MERE INTERVIEWER! THAT IS WHY, ONCE I HAVE MURDERED FIRE LORD OZAI, I WILL RULE THE WORLD! THAT IS WHY, oh, sorry lost it a bit there. : her eye twitches: No, I would never, ever try to kill anyone. No matter how repulsive, or vile, or cruel, someone is. I wouldn't do something like that. He he. : her eye twitches again:**

Okay, thank you Katara of the water tribe. I need to go home and block my doors because this girl is truly insane. See you next time!

**I am not insane: her eye twitches continuously:**

Yes you are! 

_It is dark in the room and we find the camera being jolted up from its normal resting place. Then we see a close up of Katara, whose eye is still twitching._

**He he, I wasn't lying about the being friends before, but I have to add some more things to my interview. I would fake being friendly. After I am supreme ruler, I would in slave the whole male population! I would force them to give up their bending abilities and means of fighting. Then I would force them to do hard labor for all the women. They would be slaves to each woman that owns them. All of the women who oppose me will become slaves themselves. **

**I would also kill any ugly children or people. Once I have killed all the ugly people, only beautiful people would survive. Then the whole world would be a perfect utopia! Ha ha! It would be perfect! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!**

: the LIGHTS COME ON: Who turned out the lights? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CAMERA?GET AWAY FROM IT!

_They begin to fight and the camera goes black and fuzzy pepper like thing._

Sorry about that girl, people. She will be going to a mental hospital. That is all, really. I'm not joking this time. Not that I was joking, but this time there won't be another psychopath who comes and breaks my camera. Also with her in the mental hospital, I can have Zuko all to myself. 

**Huh? Who are you? Get away from me! You're crazy too!**

Bye, I got to go get myself a price. See ya!

_AN:I am so tired. I can barley type. Sorry it is so late. I've been kind of busy. Bleh, I need to go to sleep. Oh yeah. Here is this thingy. Keep your shorts on people. _

_A few of you were a bit concerned about the comment I made about Ozai's daughter. Sadly, it is just a theory, but I have reasonable evidence. To those who have seen the episode The Storm, remember back to the part when Iroh is remembering Zuko and Ozai's duel. When you see Iroh in his own flashback, there is a young girl standing in front of him. She has black spikey hair and looks happy when Zuko gets burned. I remember her raising her fist when Ozai was yelling at Zuko. I believe that she was Ozai's daughter. **But she could have been the daughter of any high-ranking official** you might say. There is also some proof, that in one of Zuko's flashbacks, that there were two children running in front of a walking Lord Ozai, one presumably, Zuko. But who is the other? My friends, I believe that it was Zuko's younger sister, the second child of Lord Ozai of the fire nation. If you want to see a picture of the flashback I am talking about, feel free to e-mail me about it. I would be very happy to give the site where I found the picture in question. I find this whole situation certainly thought provoking and fascinating._

_Long story short, I am not positive. But I am pretty damn sure! _


	4. Ahhhhhhh,the sweet smell of cabbages

_Disclaimer: Still don't own it, sigh, but the Zuko fan mob is growing. Soon, very soon. _

_I am gonna loose it since one of my best buddies is gonna be gone for three weeks in Canada and New York! I am also on the verge of becoming a first-degree murderer by slipping bleach into my sister's lemonade. She is driving me nuts. As bad as it is to say this, I think I need to go back to school._

_I dedicate this chapter to KTHM's brother, since he came up the idea for using the cabbage man._

How to take over the world- The Cabbage Man

Me again. Why do I still have this job? Oh yeah, it pays a lot. Um, this next person is not that important, but still funny, I guess. We had to use him since all the meaningful characters are busy watching Katara in the mental hospital. Especially Zuko. Damn her. But on to this weirdo, he loves cabbages, hates Omashou with their cabbage hating people, and, oh who cares?

**I do.**

So? But whatever, how would you take over the world?

**I would use my cabbage bending skills, silly!**

JERRY! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS GUT ISN'T CRAZY!

**Who are you calling crazy? Anyway, I can bend cabbages! See! he raises his****hands and does this funky hand cutting movement, then the cabbage goes into a bowl to make a salad**

God, why do you torture me so? WHY?

Jerry: Hey, that's pretty good! Have you considered catering?

**No, I only want to use my mad skills to hit people in the head with them. then he hits Bev in the head with one**

Nice one!

That's it, your fired Jerry!

**Now back to me, I would use my skills and perfect them. Then I would build an army of cabbage benders. After I build a crap load of cabbage farms to supply my armies, of course.**

Of course! I mean, what else do we have to do with our valuable time? With all the pain and disease in the universe, we have to conquer it to bring more pain and suffering to it, but hey, then we can fuck around with it all we want! Then it would be ours! Am I right! AM I?

**Geeze lady! Calm down!**

I AM CALM! Hem, go on.

**Then I would cut off the Fire nations supply of cabbages so they would all die of scurvy!**

What the hell!

**Don't tell me you don't know about scurvy! Am I the only smart one around here? Uhhh! Okay scurvy is a disease where you die from lack of vitamins. Eating some sort of fruit, onion or cabbage can cure scurvy. It happens mostly to people on a ship when you can't keep things fresh for very long. That is why using foods that don't spoil for a while, like cabbage, keeps the sailor's scurvy free. Since most of the fire Nation is on ships or long journeys now, destroying their supply of this food would create a mass plague.**

Please tell me you are kidding me. Please give me one sane person to interview. _Please._

_Ha ha, no. Suffer, suffer!_

**Then when the ruling nation is at it's weakest, my armies and I would strike. We would use our awesome cabbage bending skills to hit them in their heads until they beg for mercy. Then I would use the conquered Fire benders as puppets and burn down that nasty city of Omashou. That reminds me, I need to go out and get started on my massive cabbage bending armies. Toodles!**

Okay, I need to go see my physiatrist and talk about this new hatred toward cabbages. Bye.

_Since the main person who helps me is going away, the next couple chapters might either bad, or non-existent.__I might also be in jail for killing some one. I have nothing to say, but DESTROY WAL-MART! They are putting in a super center near my favorite shopping spot, so now I'm gonna get a bunch of creepy people next to me when I'm buying Love Hina! This sucks! I'm gonna go down and protest tomorrow with my mom and dad and friends. Join me or perish! Until next time! OAO!_


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